Can men and women be friends???

Ok so this question is an old age question that leads to many heated debates and often isn’t answered.

For some people, they think you can, however, only if a strict criteria has been stuck too. Such criteria appear to include (though it can vary as too how many):

• That you have not have sex or any form of sexual intimacy.
• That you have a met in a neutral and platonic environment such as a classroom, lecture theatre or in some cases work.
• That you have met through other people, i.e. someones ex-boyfriend, ex-girlfriend, family etc.

Others think that you can despite how you met each other or what their past may be, whether it be ex partners, met on a night out or meeting on an online dating website.

And then there are those who believe that you explicitly can not be friends as deep down there is a sexual desire, need or a selfish reason as to why the friendship is occurring.

For me, I think it truly comes down to the individual.  Some of the people I have met in my life are what some people describe as people who wear their hearts on their sleeves, who are romantics and crave the security of a relationship. These people I have found are the ones who are unable to be friends with the opposite sex. They may begin with the intention of being just friends, but once a ‘connection’ is felt, they question whether it is too good for a friendship and instead begin to think whether it should become more… and then the drunken kiss or more begins, regrets happens, relationships fail, expectations weren’t met and what does it mean….friendship over!

Now I am not saying that being friends first isn’t a good thing, as for some, it works, it’s a natural progression without the horrendous dating scene or the getting to know you part over awkward meals and coffee afternoons and then trying to work out if this has any future or is going anywhere, instead it’s natural, one day you were going to the cinema as friends and then the next you were holding hands during the movie. Now I could be slightly romantisizing this due to watching far too many movies and I have only witnessed this happening in real life once, majority have ended with the horrific incident of unrequited love.

Unrequited love…. hmmm potentially one of the worst feelings that one could experience that doesn’t involve admission to A&E or being sent to prison. You have choices when you have feelings for  someone, which are becoming deeper than friendship feelings these are:

• Tell them
• Or keep quiet and live with it, forever and forever
• Or just cut off all contact, go cold turkey and leave someone and yourself with an unknown entity in their life forever (yours being if I said something would we have got married, had 10 babies and won the lottery and he will become perfection. His being what did I do wrong this time, though let’s be honest most men will just assume it’s a prolonged time of the month and leave you to it).

Unfortunately this can only be stopped by never having male/female friends and often it is people who have experienced this situation who are the ones who say, no…no…and NO… to male/female friendships.

However, I find having friendships with both male and female refreshing, Some people find if all you do is spend time with women you can become bitchy, bitter, more often they are the jealous type and will often be unable to think for themselves as they have to consult ‘the girls’ first.

In my experience a friendship with the opposite sex offers something different, a different perspective for one, but also a different context, one that you crave after going to get your hair done or meals out with the girls.

But for it too work you have to be logical about things and not to turn them into fairytale situations, to not allow yourself after being dumped the 100th time or feeling horny to begin to look at your friend differently because they are the closest or like the last chick flick you watched you start to wonder if they are right in front of you all this time. If you were meant to be, it will happen naturally but not because of an emotional turmoil at that time, otherwise just forget it and see that person the same way you would see your same-sex friends. That way the friendship may just work, but hey, it’s only my opinion,

A encounter that makes you stop and just think….

So last night I went to the pub and I met a gentleman called Peter. Now before my friends get excited, he wasn’t the one or a new date or the love of my life. Peter was just an ordinary bloke who maybe was late 50′s early 60′s with a charming smile. Why did this encounter make me stop and think… Peter had Parkinson disease, fairly advanced but Peter spent the night showing me card tricks, tricking me with riddles and puzzles with an infectious smile and personality.

Halfway through the night Peter turned to me and told me that he took 40 tablets a day and even though they made him feel like a spring chicken it was moments like tonight that made him feel alive again, it was at that moment that I suddenly looked at Peter in a different light, not in a patronising ‘aahhh’ kind of light but instead I was suddenly in awe of Peter and I began to feel inferior. As he left he turned to me and thanked me fo listening to him… I was dumbstruck.. I wanted to run after him and thank him not the other way round.

Why did I want to thank him….

Because unbeknown to him, he gave me a vigorous shake and a large shot of reality. Here was a man with a degenerative disease but he had more life, confidence and enthusiasm than me, who is a young, healthy individual. So this was the moment that made me stop and think. Recently I have been so caught up in the way I look, how I am perceived by men ( the world of online dating), my personality etc then this moment made me stop and think that maybe i shouldn’t worry. Peter has to deal with an exhaustion that is parallel to none, looks from people who don’t understand and suddenly the simple daily routine things suddenly become a struggle and yet he smiled like he wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere or anyone else.

People take for granted the simple things and sometimes you need to just stop and look around you, take in a deep breath and just look. I’m sure I am not the only person who has had am moment like this and I am sure I will have many more but I hope when I have the next one I won’t have forgotten all I have learnt from this one.

I like big butts….

Ok, so as some of you may know i have a few nicknames consist of LucindASS, bubble butt, onion butt, etc… but I’m often in the position where my bum is perceived as me being fat rather than curvy where it is in other countries. Now unlike some girls I love having a bum, granted my thighs could be a little better but I wouldn’t change having a bum. However, it’s very hard to describe your figure over here as it appears to be a little unheard of that a white girl has a butt and in my experience to. white guys just think it looks like im fat. Now I don’t mean to bring race into it, however, I think it’s a known fact that the Afro-Caribbean race have had an appreciation for the derriere for a long time and perceive it in a very different light to what another male race may.

But I often wonder why there appears to be such a difference between England and America and South America when it comes to appreciation of the female body. Is it just me… or in England is the main focus on breasts and somewhat neglect of the derriere….

In America everyone has gone crazy for a big butt with an increase of Butt implants on the rise, according to a study by American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery (ASAPS), 2008-2009 saw an overall decline in cosmetic surgeries, however during that time butt augmentations rose by 37.3% and butt lifts increase by 24.6%. Could this be due to the difference of what celebrity type is celebrated more.

However, could the rise in popularity of celebrities such as Kim Kardashian, J-Lo, Beyonce and Jessica Biel mean that girls and especially white girls with Big butts, maybe perceived as having an asset rather than just fat, hmmmm lets wait and see!!

The Wonderous world of blogging!!

So here I am, after many friends joining the world of blogging I thought that I myself will give it a go. One of my friends stated that blogging was her form of anger management, though her blog is anonymous so I am yet to read it, though I must admit I am curious as to what she writes…

So what do i write about, well i guess it’s meant to be anything that makes you tick, laugh, angry, amused or confused. Do those things happen in my life, I’m not sure but I always did want to write a diary when I was a kid but never had the commitment, so now I’m an adult and feel like I have enough drama to write a soap opera, it may just work. If not, it may just be a great anger management tool like it is for my friend, something which my mum will be pleased I have found.

So this entry will only be short as its only a hi and slowly introducing myself to the world of documenting my life, so welcome those who are reading to curls and twirls